All the Clutter | Random thoughts from a cluttered mind | Kevin Sorensen

Friday Funnies

Thu, 17 May 2012 15:17:59 -0500

Well, you're in for a treat today. Wa-a-ay more than just five items today. Thanks to my good friend and ol' college roomie, Tim Shaughnessy, you get to chuckle at how the business world has gone to the dogs. Enjoy!

A "Failed"(?) Experiment

Thu, 17 May 2012 07:49:26 -0500

Last week, I set out to try something via Facebook. I was going to ask a series of questions, one question each day, dealing with the "list" of sins given in 1 Corinthians 6.9–10:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

My plan of attack was to ask if it was permissible for me to ___________ .

For example: "Is it wrong for me to live immorally, anyway I see fit, carrying out any wanton desire I may find within me?"

From three people, whom I knew to be very stout believers, I received a succinct "No" in reply. But it soon became apparent, not all who "follow" me on FB are "stout" believers (or at least, those who take the words of Scripture literally and seriously).

My goal in all this was to have asked about each of the sins given by the Apostle Paul, excepting the sin of practicing homosexuality. I was intentionally going to save that for last. Why? Because I find it fascinating that more Christians haven't seen this before: major church denominations, who have opened the door wide to embrace those who "practice homosexuality" (male or female), seem to have selected this one sin from a list of many, as that which they will embrace. They wouldn't let an adulterer be a pastor. They would toss a thief or embezzler out on his ear. So, why just this one?

The Glory of the Gospel

Wed, 16 May 2012 06:21:19 -0500

Do you see any traces of [a sense of] condemnation in your life? Don’t be surprised if you do. But don’t keep carrying the burden! Because of the gospel’s power you can be completely free of all condemnation.

Not mostly free; completely free.

Don’t buy the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that a constant, low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity.

It’s just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. It’s only when we receive his free gift of grace and live in the good of total forgiveness that we’re able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience.

I wish I could remember where I read this and who wrote it, but it is a powerful statement of the truth. If you know the source, please send it on to me; I'd like to give credit where credit is due.

Day 10 of Laryngitis

Tue, 15 May 2012 04:30:21 -0500

It's not been an "official" diagnosis by a doctor or anything like that, but when you can barely talk above a whisper most of the time and the muscles of your throat ache after extended bouts of talking (like officiating a wedding or preaching a sermon the very next day), then it is most likely laryngitis––an inflammation of the larynx, or vocal chords.

God made us in a fearful and wonderful manner, especially these flaps of tissue that enable us to sing, talk, hum and all manner of things with our voices. However, when He sees fit to humble us by removing the normal health we might otherwise experience, most pointedly involving these tissues, well, it is…humbling!

I'm going on day 10 of barely having a voice. I don't know if it's head-cold related or something different. I have never suffered from allergies, but native Minnesotans tell me, "Live here long enough and you will." Great; that's comforting!

As for remedies? I've tried a bunch, although I've drawn the line at sucking on ginger root or pure garlic. I'd rather not drive people off in my silence! I was once drinking a cup of lemon & honey-laced tea about every hour for 3–4 days, but all that did is prove I did not have kidney failure!

Late Night Phone Calls That Bring Out Beauty

Mon, 14 May 2012 04:55:26 -0500

When I first met Ann, way back in late 1975, I thought she was really "a looker"! I was disappointed to find out that she had a boyfriend at the time, so I "watched from a distance" (no, I wasn't stalking her!).

I was finally able to ask her out on a date on January 24, 1976. When we picker her up, I still thought she's the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. I was smitten from the word "Go."

Speed ahead to August 1, 1981 and I'll never forget the gorgeous woman who stood at the back of First Free in Boone, Iowa, slowly coming up the aisle on her father's arm. I'm sure there's photographic proof that my smile could not have gotten any bigger.

We'll keep the time machine moving along here: when our first child, Rebecca was born, she was breech and too large to be born naturally, so Ann needed a c-section delivery. I stayed right up by her face the entire time and never have I seen such beauty. I know other women say they know when women are pregnant because they "glow." I don't know about that, but Ann certainly did then, as she did at the birth of each of our other two children.

A Late Post On A Busy Day

Thu, 10 May 2012 11:33:55 -0500

Argh! How did the morning pass so quickly? I'm working on a wedding for this weekend, along with normal weekend/Sunday duties, plus battling a head cold (very similar to last February), except this one has taken my voice away from me. Not a good thing! So, with all that going on, I present this to you:

Which products/company do you use the most?

This Is How It Works

Wed, 09 May 2012 08:42:16 -0500

Every week there is the looming "deadline" of Sunday which faces a pastor. He must begin his week thinking, "Sunday's coming and I have to prepare a sermon." Well, that how it all starts, with the best of intentions, I assure you.

But this is how it goes:

Monday – I’m so glad it’s my day off. Yesterday’s sermon was terrible. Maybe this week will be better.

Tuesday AM - I better get some emails done and get the blog lined up. If I can check a few things off my To Do List I’ll really be able to concentrate on my sermon.

Tuesday PM – I wasn’t expecting the lunch to go so long and for them to stop by. I’ll guess I’ll get to my sermon tomorrow.

Wednesday AM – Man, more emails. I need to make a few phone calls too. The agendas also need some work. Sermon prep soon.

Wednesday PM – I forgot–staff meetings all afternoon. I got to buckle down and start on this sermon tomorrow.

Thursday AM – Okay, here we go. Let’s get the paper and pencil out and open my Greek Bible. Darn, made the mistake of checking my email and leaving my door open. Got to take care of a couple more things.

Thursday PM – Finally started on my sermon. Working on translation. Making notes. So thankful to be a pastor. What a privilege to study God’s word. I’m getting a little sleepytrhough.

Friday AM – Excited to work on this sermon and think about preaching. So much to learn. So much to study. Never saw that before.

Friday PM – What a mess. I don’t see three points anywhere. Better pray. What is this sermon about? Where I am going? Need an outline before I go home. Brain don’t fail me now.

Saturday AM – It’s quiet here. Need to stop fiddling around with emails. Need some better illustrations. What is my application? These three points could be worded better.

Saturday PM – Praying for help. A few good thoughts I think. That section will preach. The introduction is so-so. Conclusion needs work. Have to push through and finish this. If I push print I can go home.

Saturday extra-PM – I’m sure this is too long. Needs pruning. I’m excited to preach this, but boy it doesn’t feel like much. No time left except for prayer. Should be in bed already.

Sunday before preaching- I can’t believe I get to preach. Stay humble. Pray for unction.

Sunday during preaching – What a joy to teach God’s word. And a challenge. Am I getting through? Am I getting in the way? Need to trust God. I must decrease, he must increase. I think I see a cloud the size of a man’s hand in the distance.

Sunday after preaching – That was too long…again. Trying to smile and talk to people while wondering if that made any difference. A lot of polite hello’s. A couple critiques. Several people seemed genuinely helped. I’m getting hungry and may need to use the bathroom.

Sunday evening – Crazy day. Get the kids to bed. Talk to my wife. Call my mom. Thankful for a good day. Glad it’s over. Not sure what God did, but I’ll trust him for something. I love my church.

Monday – I’m so glad it’s my day off. Yesterday’s sermon was terrible. Maybe this week will be better.

Thanks to Kevin DeYoung for posting this at The Gospel Coalition. As a pastor, I sheepishly smile because there is truth in it.

And Another Thing…

Tue, 08 May 2012 07:38:01 -0500

While I was at a Pastor's Prayer Retreat Sunday night through Monday afternoon, we got to talking (as pastors are prone to do on occasion) over one of our meal times together. The subject of young families with children involved in sports came up during the conversation, which had focused itself upon modern idolatries we follow without recognizing them as such. And sports is conceivably one of the biggest in our land.

However, it wasn't simply the general notion of athletic endeavors as idol-worship that got us a "bit riled" up; it was Sunday athletic events for the kiddos that are relentlessly scheduled on Sundays. One pastor, who actually coaches his son's baseball team, offered one very easy solution to this Sunday competition with worshiping the Lord and worshiping "The Ball." Last year, when his team's won the league and faced the championship game––on Sunday––they forfeited. The conviction of most of the parents on the team was such that they would not dishonor the Lord and violate the fifth commandment. Heartbreaking? Yes, no doubt it hurt. Blessing to all involved? I think so, given this man's description of how all things worked out (do you hear Romans 8.28 right there?) for the team later on.

Peace-Stealers

Mon, 07 May 2012 06:00:48 -0500

I'm at a prayer retreat over these 24 hours. By the time most of you read this, I'll be half-way through. One of the texts we read together before breaking off on our own on Sunday evening was Colossians 3.1–17. The question then put to us was: What robs your peace? What steals your peace in Christ away from you? (this focuses our attention on v. 15, which says, "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.")

For me, it's definitely pride in a variety of forms. Usually, it's self-pity. Self-pity is pride concealed in the thinking, "No one has ever had it as rough, as bad, as horrible as I have it right now. No one understands what it's like to be me." This steals my peace in Christ because I've just put all the focus upon myself, instead of upon the One who is my Peace. I'm not letting His peace rule in my heart, most likely because I don't want it to at that moment. If His peace were to rule in my heart, it would be quietly accepting what my Sovereign Lord has willed for me and therefore being thankful (which it says to be at the end of verse 15). I'm not thankful; I'm ungrateful for the circumstances in which I find myself. Pride – 1; Peace – 0.

Friday Funnies

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:00:34 -0500

All right, ladies and gentlemen. Here's my list for the week (and I must say, it shows a great deal of thought, er, ehm, okay, never mind):

NON–DEEP THOUGHTS

• I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

• I had amnesia once... or twice.

• I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

• Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

• All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

• They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

• Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

• Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

• Is there another word for synonym?

• Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?

• The speed of time is one second per second.

• Is it possible to be totally partial?

• What's another word for thesaurus?

• Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

Some Books Just Can't Get Reviewed

Thu, 03 May 2012 10:53:29 -0500

I've been reviewing books for several different publishing companies since August of 2009. I've not kept track, but I'm somewhere in the 200+ category. Out of all those, there have only been a handful of books that I thought were bad and not worth recommending. However, I have three that I either can't recommend (No, We Can't) or are just so against my convictions that I couldn't read them, let alone recommend them (The Resignation of Eve and The Voice New Testament). Here are just a few comments on why I simply can't review these books:

No, We Can't:Radical Islam, Militant Secularism and the Myth of Coexistence

About the Book––The world is shifting. It is dissatisfied, baffled and craving transformation.

Religious tolerance is prized more than truth. From clever slogans to celebrity endorsements, we are bombarded with seemingly peaceful messages of coexistence.

But beneath the bumper stickers and T-shirts is buried this truth: Coexistence is a myth. Instead, a war for world domination is raging--between radical Islam, secularism and Judeo-Christianity.

What does it mean for you as a believer and why should you care?

Some Things/People Are Just Not Worth The Time

Wed, 02 May 2012 19:33:04 -0500

You'll want to later on

"Wow, Kevin! That sounds harsh."

Yes, I suppose it does, but I'm not talking about "real" people. I'm talking about people on the internet. And before you go all haywire on me, I know they're real, but I don't know them and when they profess to be Christians and they start being very foolish, very unwise, very…well, okay, I'll say it…stupid, then I simply don't have time to deal with them.

For instance, I was looking up a book yesterday on Amazon.com. It's a book I think very highly of. Some years back, I blogged about this book and probably included some excerpts from it (if I had better archives, I could link to the posts, but since I don't I can't––yeah, figure that out). It's been an amazingly helpful book. When I saw that one person had given it a one-star rating on his review of the book, I had to check it out. As I read, I could feel my blood pressure rising, my anger beginning to mount and was ready to really give him a piece of my mind. But I didn't.

It's not because I don't have enough mind to spare; goodness knows, there's plenty of unused grey matter in my cranium to go around and I could have given some of that unused stuff.

Technology & Our Relationships

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 07:33:42 -0500

This is going to be one of the most unscientific suggestions, with nothing grounding it in research, survey data or anything of that nature (although, all this is probably "out there" somewhere; I just don't have the time to track it all down). So, with this dangerous preamble given, here we go:

I think our advances in communicative technology has made us less communicative.

As funny as this little "e-card" may seem, it is becoming true in my experience. I find it harder and harder to get a hold of people in my congregation, especially the ones with cell phones. Caller ID can be a boon to put us off the trail of telemarketers (do they even still exist anymore?), but I wonder how many times we use it to screen our calls and put people off simply because we don't want to talk to them. It may have little to do with timing or need. There are a few families who have become consumers of technology in order to keep their family connected, but if that technology isn't used to respond to others (when it's the only way to get in touch with you beyond a face-to-face conversation), I'm wondering if we've helped ourselves or if we just becoming less social, in spite of the prevalence of "social media."

What a Week!

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 05:21:16 -0500

It was supposed to be one of those "quieter than normal" weeks; one without lots of meetings, appointments and places to be. Then Monday & Tuesday happened. "Ah," I thought to myself, "Wednesday will be 'mine' (read: lock myself in my study and get crack-a-lackin' on the sermon study)." Through many a phone interruption and other necessary running, due to issues from Monday & Tuesday, that went right out the window. That left me with Thursday to "Get'er done" as one formally famous comedian would say.

So, there I was, facing one day and one day alone, to get a sermon done on Titus 2.4–5, in which I explain why older women should be teaching younger women and what it is they are to teach them. Not too bad, until you get to the middle of verse 5, which runs smack dab head-on into the very face of our culture. One little phrase just gob-smacks the world's viewpoint right in the teeth. What's the phrase?

"…to train younger women to…[be] submissive to their husbands…"

There are probably some pastors who might not even read this text, let alone this phrase. After all, it would offend our sensibilities as thoroughly modern Christians. Others would read it, but would have an eye on the back door fire escape, one foot in "quick take-off" mode at the first sign of "angry eye" scowls from any woman, let alone a young one! The seemingly more erudite among clergy would simply look down their long noses at such things and condescendingly say, "Oh, don't be so simple minded as to believe this applies to us today; it was just a culturally contextual matter for Paul. After all, we are so much more advanced."

Two Days Gone

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 09:00:44 -0500

Two days. 400+ miles. It's finished.

Two weeks ago today, one of our family cars was hit by another person. I didn't think the damage was too severe, but the other party's insurance company determined the car could be totaled out. Thus began the long search for a replacement.

Initially I searched the internet. That sped the process up a great deal. Over the course of several days, Ann and I were able to narrow down our physical search process. Then began the running.

Now that a "new" (used) car is in our driveway, I can return to "normal"––maybe it would be better to never return to normal and find some new level to remain at?

So, that's where I've been the last two days. What's up with you?

True Confessions from Kevin

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 06:00:42 -0500

Kevin deYoung, that is!

Last Saturday, Kevin posted this:

In case you haven’t heard, you should know that I never write my blog posts at 5 or 6 in the morning, no matter what the time stamp says. I write 99% of my posts well before I post them, usually a day or several days in advance. I queue them up to go live in the morning when most people in this country are waking up. So if you’ve pictured me up at 4am, working by candlelight, blogging my little heart out before the world gets out of bed, then you’ve given me too much credit.

The other thing you should know is that once in a great while I don’t have anything to say, so I just find filler. Case in point.

Now that that Kevin has said his piece, here's mine:

I do write most of my posts at 4 or 5 in the morning. I give it a time stamp of 6 AM to somehow confuse/convince my few readers that I'm not up at 4 trying desperately to come up with something, anything as a post for the day. On occasion, I have keen insight and foresight and actually get a few posts written in advance (such as this one, by the way, which was written at a very reasonable 7.15 AM on a Saturday). I am working with software now that would give me more flexibility to write whenever I wanted or whenever the right "inspiration" (please, oh reader, please use discernment here and realize I do not mean new "revelation" from God––I'll never have a "word from the Lord" for you unless I'm citing book, chapter and verse) and then allow me to set the time and day it would be posted. Also, this would give me the flexibility to do this with my iPad, not just my MBP (that's MacBook Pro, for you non-Apple officianados) or the iMac at home. This might helpful those early panicky hours in the blessed AM where I'm trying diligently to get the caffeine through my system fast enough to come up with something for you, the dear reader, to start off your day… or end your day… or simply end the ten minutes you just spent reading this.

Friday Five

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 06:32:11 -0500

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Allergies!

Ha, I love that one. It's one I'm sure my eldest daughter used to tell me when she was in those early elementary grades. By the way, today is her 26th birthday. Amazing. She's all grown up and having a baby of her own soon.

Which brings me to my Friday Five: Five Big Events Coming In May

1. Prom Night

Our two kids still at home are both in relationships now and that means high school prom will be featured the first weekend of May. Ann has invited them to our house for the royal treatment of a fine dinner before the big dance.

2. Grandbaby

Who knows when this little bundle of joy will enter into the world, but the due date is May 9 (I'm guessing at least 6-7 days early; he or she––they don't know yet––will come in #1 before prom!)

3. High School Baccalaureate

Our son (middle child) graduates this year. His class gets to organize their baccalaureate program so they can have a spiritual emphasis, should they choose to do so. And they have. They've invited me to be their speaker. I consider it a great honor. Now I'll have to think of what to say to a very mixed crowd of people, while talking to high school seniors.

Why So Serious?

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 04:26:24 -0500

Okay, so far I've been very serious, very critical (in the most positive sense of the word, though) and somewhat somber.

So, time to lighten up a bit with some coffee/caffeine related humor:

My blood type is Folgers. ~Author Unknown

All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. ~Author Unknown

Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? ~Author Unknown

Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ~Author Unknown

I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume. ~John Van Druten

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’ ~Jim Carrey

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second. ~Edward Abbey

Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship, but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring. - U.S. Army Lt. William Whiting, 1849

From the Category: If I'd Only Known…

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 03:22:01 -0500

If I'd only known revival was this easy, I would have started moving people around a long time ago.

Amazing, isn't it? When you don't believe the Bible, anything goes. When you think you can add whatever you want, especially in terms of methods, toss in a few Biblical notions (did anyone else notice the complete black hole absence of any Scriptural connection here? I realize this was not his full message speech, but there was time for at least one phrase of one verse to be fully stripped of context here, wasn't there?), make people laugh a bit, poke fun at someone who might just possibly see through your veneer of worldliness and not really want to get sucked into that vortex of craziness you call revival…well, what else can you expect? I blame Charles Finney.

Stories from the past Resurrection Sunday

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 08:27:52 -0500

Yesterday's little post about a child seeing through the absence of Jesus in an "evanjellyfish" church's pastor's message on the resurrection being all about new beginnings was just one of many, I'm sure. No, really, I'm absolutely sure there were many other evanjellyfish churches with similar Christ-less Easters. The boys over at "The Museum of Idolatry" posted this one. I dunno, you tell me what this tells you about the Lord's resurrection. Maybe they needed to get together with the church mentioned yesterday and talk about the new beginnings that are possible for former pole dancers.

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Can anyone tell me anything that is good about this (other than, perhaps, the guy who's running the smoke machines offstage…he does a great job of keeping it all rolling until that final few seconds as "death/girl" dies, the smoke does too). The dancing's bad, the costume is bad, the music is bad, the singing is bad, the violin playing in the music is bad. I'm sorry to be so negative, but there is nothing good about this.